On call

“Hey baby. How you been?”
“I miss you but I still dont trust you. But I do miss you.”
“You’re smart not to trust me.”
“I’m just suspicious of you.”
“Know who I’m suspicious of? I’m suspicious of these young alt-right kids.”
“Yeah, well you’re suspicious of everyone.”
“There’s a kid at the gas station. Always talking about politics. I get to bullshitting with him, I’m there everyday ya know? He uses all the phrases, asked me if I was ‘woke on the JQ’. Well, come to find out, six months ago he was shooting heroin and banging trannies. Just saying I dont trust these guys. Politics is the new religion.”
“Yeah I can see that. You know, I saw your ex wife yesterday. She was wearing a hijab. I don’t even wanna tell you what she said about you.”
“I didn’t care what she thought about me back when we were married. Why would I care now? Anyway, the hijab don’t surprise me. She got some tattoo awhile back that was a bunch of Arabic letters. The feminists never were really very smart.”
“They make the rest of us women look bad. What even is feminism?”
“Vaginal hegemony is what is is baby. You know the ancient Romans had a saying. Even if a woman ruled the empire, she’d still need a man to change the oil.”
“I don’t wanna tell you, but you’ll think it’s funny so I will. I saw her at that clothing store we both shop at. Plump Patty’s. And she was telling Plump Patty that the only thing you were good at as a husband was sex. Said you were the best she ever had. Then she looked at me, wanted me to say something. You realize this is the third time other women have tried to have this conversation with me. You wonder why I don’t trust you….why are you laughing?”
“Baby, I’m sorry, but the idea that the ladies at the plus size clothing store are talking about my sexual prowess is the funniest thing I’ve heard all week.”
“You still spending the night on Wednesday?”
“Yeah. Want me to rent a movie on the way over?”
“No, let’s watch that liberal politic show I told you about. I like it when you make fun of my politics.”
“Ok baby. See ya then.”

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